I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
