I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
