My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
