Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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