We're like a lot better than the average bears
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
