Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
