Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
