Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
