remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
