i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
