I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
