we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
