he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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