What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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