Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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