i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
