I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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