Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
