I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize