I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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