You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize