You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
