Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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