He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
