If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
