maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
