The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
