i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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