I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
