Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
