So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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