Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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