You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
