Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
this is an emotional support booty call
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
