you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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