made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
