It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
