I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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