If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
