I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize