My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
