I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
