i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
