May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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