new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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