Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
