You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
