my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
