She announced her abortion via fbk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
