if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
