I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
