I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
