My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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