ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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