Who wears a wallet chain?!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
