at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
