too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
