If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
