Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
