I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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