i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
