oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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