Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
