He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
