who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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