Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
