you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My bed smells like the plague
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
