I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
