i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize