sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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