he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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