i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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