there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
