yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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