shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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