Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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